Musings with Grief ..... no. 3

Musings with Grief… no.3 …. What grief had to tell me.

[Note: this ‘came through’ in the very early days after losing my soul-friend. My grief has already eased a lot and I know it will lift some more after the funeral.]

Me: Hello old friend, I didn’t expect to feel you again just yet.

Grief: I know…. your heart called me.

Me: I wish we didn’t keep meeting this way, will you ever leave completely?

Grief: No! You don’t get rid of me that easily! I’ll always be around you. Often in the background so that you don’t notice. Always watching for when it’s time to come back to help you.

Me: How is the deep pain that you give me a help?! And the tears and the heart ache and all the thoughts…. I don’t understand.

Grief: They’re here to guide you.

Me: Guide me to what?

Grief: To help you to see and to feel how much love you still have in your heart and soul, despite all of your losses.

Grief: Your tears and heartache are just a sign of how much you loved and how much more time you were hoping there would be to give that love.

Grief: You aren’t crying for the love you gave, that was freely given and received, your tears are for the loss of the future.

Me: I have come to realise that over the past few days but that feels selfish. As if I’m really hurting for me more than I am for them? But they died and have no future in this realm (in this timeline), yet I’m still here. It doesn’t make sense.

Grief: Maybe not now, but it will… keep talking to me and I’ll explain.

Me: I hope that you can, this feels so hard for me right now. I didn’t expect to feel this level of heartache, after all, we weren’t even ‘strictly speaking’ in a relationship anymore and I knew that his time was coming…

Grief: That’s partly why you’re hurting so much… you never got to say what you wanted to face to face. Remember, that wasn’t your fault and was his choice. You did everything that you could within the situation that you were in.

Me: I know, but I still look back and wish that I had been able to do more, especially in what turned out to be the last few weeks.
[me and grief shared a few more back and forth at this point, but they’re more personal so I’ve left those out of this public ‘musing’]

Grief: Love is our greatest lesson. To find it, to keep it, to be yourself through it. Loving another is the greatest gift you have to give. To be courageous enough to open your heart to let love in takes a huge a leap of faith. To keep it open through the ups and downs of a relationships takes faith and trust.

To open it even further when your loved one dies takes massive doses of self-love. To not let loss of love close your heart down is a gift… a gift that you give yourself so that you can love yourself through your healing and when you’re ready, remain open to love another.

Love is the only way and the only reason you’re here.

It’s the only reason we’re all here.

Your tears are showing you that you’re still alive, still breathing, and most importantly, still loving!

You haven’t let your broken heart become numb.

To open to love is an act of bravery.

Keep on keeping on, you brave warrior of love <3

Have faith and trust.

Me to you, reading this:

To end…. In the words of Coldplay, which I have been finding very comforting….. ‘in the end, it’s just love’.

Sending you big love,
Dawn x

p.s. If you would like to explore grief, grieving, death and dying in a supportive space then come and join my new Facebook Group - Musings on Grief: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1070248881566308